I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated