We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"