Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions