Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.