did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood