False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
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I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...