His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning