Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive