I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted