I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined