I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.