i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless