I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.