Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.