Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
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and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.