Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.