Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.