the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."