I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.