Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?