I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
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I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.