I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?