I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.