Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'