On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later