Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!