THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.