Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began