I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me