Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light