The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?