Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
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You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light