i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"