dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.