He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard