It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....