But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.