I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.