And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.