she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
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Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.