On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.