Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar