My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that