Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess