Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment