I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.