I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The power of my boobs compel you
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Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did