You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.