The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.