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He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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