Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand