Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can you bring me the toilet please
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills