I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can you bring me the toilet please
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.