You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?