Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need to calm my uterus...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.