I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I need to calm my uterus...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows