You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need to calm my uterus...