I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.