Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?