Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
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Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.