it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".