it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".