It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.