she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
