I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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