Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Massachusetts (774)

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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus

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  (774): I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus http://tfl.nu/kps3
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  did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise

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  omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg

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  (774): did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise (908): omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg http://tfl.nu/l4h8
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  I just feel like everything is too perfect

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  He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator

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  Or both. Which is common

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  (413): I just feel like everything is too perfect (774): He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator (774): Or both. Which is common http://tfl.nu/4u8t
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  I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep

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  (774): I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep http://tfl.nu/07gg
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  This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey

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  (774): This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey http://tfl.nu/q901
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  I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)

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  (774): I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-) http://tfl.nu/aq14
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  I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore

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  (774): I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore http://tfl.nu/ac46
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  And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry

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  (774): And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry http://tfl.nu/4n0l
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  You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"

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  (774): You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!" http://tfl.nu/sqoz
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  I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.

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  (774): I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work. http://tfl.nu/gs7f
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  She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book

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  (774): She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book http://tfl.nu/9ezm
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  Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual

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  (774): Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual http://tfl.nu/ncxl
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  Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won

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  (774): Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won http://tfl.nu/tslf
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  Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?

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  (774): Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is? http://tfl.nu/utv4
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  This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame

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  I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success

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  (413): This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame (774): I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success http://tfl.nu/49mo
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