PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I want to fling myself into the sun
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.