You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
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u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character