Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.