I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What a dumb baby whore.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes