im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
What a dumb baby whore.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.