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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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