You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back