Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (651)

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?

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  (651): Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD? http://tfl.nu/tnlb
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  I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar

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  (651): I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar http://tfl.nu/y23q
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  drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna

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  (651): drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna http://tfl.nu/yd45
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  well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.

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  (651): well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well. http://tfl.nu/icbo
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  If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.

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  (651): If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place. http://tfl.nu/osp0
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  I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.

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  It's like the Christmas morning of dicks

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  (612): I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep. (651): It's like the Christmas morning of dicks http://tfl.nu/nghh
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  His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.

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  (651): His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve. http://tfl.nu/5nws
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  Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull

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  (651): Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull http://tfl.nu/fvhw
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  Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!

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  (651): Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday! http://tfl.nu/4hno
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  Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever

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  (651): Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever http://tfl.nu/sex2
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  Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon

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  (651): Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon http://tfl.nu/o3ou
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  I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.

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  (651): I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/6otb
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  As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.

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  (651): As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week. http://tfl.nu/bh6r
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  Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.

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  (651): Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation. http://tfl.nu/3ty8
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  Alls I remember is making out with that chick.

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  Nope that was a dude

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  (651): Alls I remember is making out with that chick. (612): Nope that was a dude http://tfl.nu/9vd8
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