Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!