It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im so drunk with asians
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is