If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We just shotgunned beers for America
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?