I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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