just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
