I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
