My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
