drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally