her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry