her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry