If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in