I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."