He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?