yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
