If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.