Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?