You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.