Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Rhode Island (401)

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away

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  (401): Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away http://tfl.nu/kl70
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (100) Order T-Shirt
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  apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high

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  (401): apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high http://tfl.nu/w0gd
  Replies (3) Good night (605) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
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  Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?

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  (401): Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer? http://tfl.nu/q3x6
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (150) Order T-Shirt
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  i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.

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  (401): i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher. http://tfl.nu/v6bw
  Replies (2) Good night (633) Bad night (169)
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  Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?

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  Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.

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  I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.

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  (401): Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here? (231): Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds. (401): I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window. http://tfl.nu/vqmu
  Replies (0) Good night (692) Bad night (117)
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  I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."

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  (401): I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks." http://tfl.nu/iwi5
  Replies (6) Good night (907) Bad night (109)
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  My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night

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  (401): My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night http://tfl.nu/qfjr
  Replies (4) Good night (1136) Bad night (167) Order T-Shirt
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  Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?

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  (401): Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer? http://tfl.nu/x506
  Replies (0) Good night (305) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
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  After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory

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  (401): After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory http://tfl.nu/d8ep
  Replies (2) Good night (392) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
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  The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton

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  (401): The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton http://tfl.nu/me9i
  Replies (3) Good night (186) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
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  When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.

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  (401): When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train. http://tfl.nu/aqj1
  Replies (1) Good night (927) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
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  I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.

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  And the results, officer?

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  She's fucked.

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  (401): I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle. (978): And the results, officer? (401): She's fucked. http://tfl.nu/1koh
  Replies (6) Good night (938) Bad night (217)
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  STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN

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  (401): STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN http://tfl.nu/5dil
  Replies (3) Good night (971) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt
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  Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?

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  (401): Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra? http://tfl.nu/q2ra
  Replies (4) Good night (455) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt
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  I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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  (401): I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE. http://tfl.nu/jvh7
  Replies (8) Good night (417) Bad night (1416) Order T-Shirt