The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?