Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.