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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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