Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving