Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.