Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
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Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick