Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me