So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.