Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.